As your parents age, you may feel obligated to care for them and support their changing needs. 

Some may not feel this implied responsibility, and others do not know how to move forward in caring for their parents. 

Regardless, it’s important to know if you are legally responsible for your elderly parents.  

The answer of being ‘legally responsible’ depends on where you live and your personal situation. 

More than half of the states in the U.S. have filial laws that require able children to care for their parents. 

Below, we’ll share where and how these laws are applied.  

Let’s get started. 

Key Takeaways

• Your legal responsibility to care for your elderly parents depends on your state’s filial laws, you and your parent’s financial situations, and your parents’ welfare benefits. 30 states have some filial law requirements.

  
  

• Defying the responsibility dictated in a filial law can result in civil and criminal penalties if not legally cleared.

  
  

• The options for caring for elderly parents include letting them live with you, home care, CDPAP home care, and assisted living. 

Are You Legally Responsible For Your Elderly Parents?

The legal responsibility for you to take care of your elderly parent is dictated in your state’s filial responsibility laws. There are nuances in the specific requirements of each state’s laws, so your responsibility differs depending on where you live. 

Some states only require you to care for your parents if you are financially able. The law will include the criteria to determine if you are able. 

Some states’ requirements are based on your parent's age, while others only apply if your parent can’t pay and will not receive any help from insurance. 

Most filial laws require you to support your parents' basic living needs. This can include food, medical bills (mental and physical), housing, and additional care they receive (nursing homes/facilities).

Currently, 30 states legally require you to take care of your elderly parents, including:

• Alaska

• Arkansas

• California

• Connecticut

• Delaware

• Georgia

• Idaho

• Indiana

• Iowa

• Kentucky

• Louisiana

• Maryland

• Massachusetts

• Mississippi

• Montana

• Nevada

• New Hampshire

• New Jersey

• North Carolina

• North Dakota

• Ohio

• Oregon

• Pennsylvania

• Rhode Island

• South Dakota

• Tennessee

• Utah

• Vermont

• Virginia

• West Virginia

Filial laws are in place to reduce states’ Medicaid and welfare expenses. 

By allocating the responsibility to the children of elderly parents, the state does not have to cover all of the costs through welfare. 

A more traditional background of family values played a part when most laws were created. 

So, if you are in a state with filial laws, how do you know when it applies to you? Let’s find out next. 

When Does Filial Law Apply?

Filial law generally applies when your parent has medical expenses they can not pay for, but you can. 

This simple criterion applies to most states’ laws, but more intricacies are involved in the specific requirements. 

Filial law generally applies when:

• The costs of your parent's care are more than what they receive in welfare benefits

  
  

• Your parent does not receive Medicaid and isn’t eligible to receive it

  
  

• Your parent has medical bills that they can not pay themselves

  
  

• The parent's child is financially able to cover the expenses. 

Your parent is considered unable to pay for their care when the cost exceeds their social security or Medicaid benefits. 

Another instance would be if your parents do not qualify for Medicaid but still have bills they cannot pay themselves. If your parent is considered poverty-stricken and can not pay for the care they receive, filial laws will apply. 

The other criterion in filial laws is your ability to pay for your parent’s care. 

Your ability to pay is determined by your income and assets and your parents’ investments in you. The most common example of investment is payments for your college tuition. 

If you are considered able to pay, you will be held legally responsible for your parents’ care unless you prove otherwise. 

Deciding the future of your parents and their care is an important topic. When making your decision, you should look closely into your and your parents’ finances, living situations, and the applicable filial laws in the state you live in.

Can I Refuse to Care for Elderly Parents?

If you are found able to pay for your parent’s care but refuse, you may face civil or criminal penalties. 

Some states will forcefully take the funds from you through wage garnishing or directly from your bank account. The criminal penalty for failure to pay for your parents’ care varies by state. Some penalties include a jail sentence ranging from a few months to a year. 

However, there are some reasons that you might refuse to care for your parents. 

Financial Issues

Depending on your parents’ specific needs, their medical expenses can be high, from thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars. The most common reason to refuse to pay for your elderly parents’ care is that you simply can’t afford it. 

In this situation, it is best to consult an elder law attorney and gather accurate records of your finances. To refuse and avoid criminal penalties, you must prove to the court that you cannot pay. 

Complex Relationships

Another common reason you may want to refuse to pay for your parent’s care is a complicated relationship. The relationship between a child and parent can affect the mental health of both parties. 

If your and your parents’ relationship causes stress or other negative emotions, it may be best to maintain distance and leave their care to others.  

Local Restraints

Depending on the state you live in, filial laws are enforced differently. 

Thirty states have filial laws in place but are nuanced in requirement and application. 

Some states enforce them more strictly than others. This means that depending on where you are you may not be found legally responsible to take care of your parents and can refuse the responsibility. 

Ethics of Not Caring for Elderly Parents

Aside from any legal responsibility to care for your parent, there are ethical implications. 

Depending on your family’s situation, your parents may have been the primary providers for you and your siblings during your upbringing. It is common to have feelings of guilt or shame if you refuse to take care of them later on. 

These feelings can affect you personally and your relationships with your parents and siblings. Your parents may feel sad that you don’t care for them. Other parents may feel they are owed your help after what they did for you. 

Your family relationships will be tested during this time, and it is not common to feel complex emotions involved with your decision. However, there are entirely justifiable reasons why you may not want to care for your parent. 

When To Say No

• Abusive parents: it is not worth sacrificing your mental health and suffering abuse to care for your parent if they are abusive.

  
  

• Unsafe environment: whether through abuse or external factors, it is okay to refuse if you are unsafe when providing care to your parents. 

  
  

• Severe conditions: if your parent’s expenses are too high or their situation may be too severe to be treated, it is understandable to say no to the responsibility. 

Options for Caring for Elderly Parents

Aside from the legal responsibility, there are also situational factors to consider when deciding whether or not to accept the responsibility of caring for your parents. If your parent refuses help or if you are unable to pay, there are alternatives available for your parents’ care.

Let Your Parents Live With You

A common solution for children who want to stay close to their parents while taking care of them is to allow them to move in. 

Having an elderly parent live with you can positively affect your relationship, allow for personal communication of your parent’s needs, and offers potential tax benefits. 

• Related: Is It Wrong To Move Away From Elderly Parents? My Advice

Home Care

If you or your parent do not want to live together or your parent wants to stay in their own house, home care is another common alternative. This option is ideal if your parents can no longer maintain their needs and self-care. 

Home care services include medical attention, companionship, housekeeping, hygiene, meals, and transportation on a 24/7 basis. 

Home care will provide services to your parent in the comfort of their home. Home care benefits are less responsibility for you and a comfortable, familiar environment for your parent. 

Assisted Living

Another alternative for your elderly parents is to enroll them in an assisted living community program. 

Assisted living creates a community and social environment for your parents to enjoy while they receive care. The services they receive are similar to home care services, including food, transportation, assistance in hygiene, and housekeeping. 

However, assisted living programs do not offer more advanced medical services. The staff are not medically trained and are only responsible for simple living needs. Other programs, like skilled nursing care, are available for your parents if they require more advanced medical treatment.

CDPAP Home Care

The Consumer Directed Personal Assistance Program (CDPAP) is a Medicaid program in New York that allows participants to hire a chosen caregiver. This is a great option to create a mutually beneficial relationship where you get paid to care for your parent.

The CDPAP allows children to be the chosen caregiver for their parents. Almost anyone except the consumer's spouse can be chosen as the caregiver. To be eligible, your parent(s) must receive Medicaid, need the services of home care, and must hire an intermediary to process and handle payments for their care. 

How Much Does it Cost to Care for Aging Parents?

After considering all the alternative options and ethical/ legal factors involved in caring for your parents, the final thing to consider is the cost. 

Taking care of your parents can be costly, depending on their needs. On average, responsible children spend $7,000 annually on their elderly parents’ care. Some of the significant contributions to this cost are as follows.

Living Expenses

Whether your parent is living with you or if you are legally responsible for your parent’s care, you will need to pay for their basic living needs. This includes food, transportation, utilities, and home maintenance. 

Essentials such as food, clothes, and toiletries are the first expense you will incur. Any additional money you spend on maintaining your home, such as cleaning products or services, utility bills, and discretionary expenses (entertainment services), are also included. 

Medical Expenses

Depending on your parents’ needs, possibly the most considerable expense you will incur is the costs of medical necessities and healthcare. Your parents’ medicine, doctor visits, surgeries, trips to the ER, and medical equipment (wheelchair, cane, etc.) are all included in medical expenses. 

Given how significant these expenses can be, you may be able to qualify for tax benefits by taking care of your parent. 

Home Modifications

Another major contribution to the costs of caring for your elderly parent is any modifications you make to your home. This will only apply if your parent lives with you, but modifications like stair lifts and ramps will add to your expenses.

Depending on the nature of the modification, the renovations' cost may be included in your medical expenses for tax purposes. Paying a certain amount in medical expenses for a parent you claim as a dependent can make you eligible to receive money on your tax return.